Behind the Mask Read online

  When I came downstairs Paris asked me what had been going on and I just said, ‘Never mind, but trust me that tomorrow the mission starts to regain the world heavyweight title.’ At the time, I’m sure she didn’t believe me because she had heard it before. I was the man that cried wolf a thousand times but I knew this time I genuinely meant it.

  The next morning I got up and felt a sense of freedom and desire for life that I hadn’t felt for a long, long time. I put my tracksuit on with the intention of running a couple of miles, something I hadn’t done for two years. I have always been a great runner, I’ve always had a great engine, but after 500 yards I couldn’t go any further. The damage I had done to my body just hit me in the face like a wicked uppercut. I had gone from being a man who could run twenty miles without a problem, never mind two miles, to someone who could barely do half a mile without thinking he was going to have a heart attack. But I still didn’t doubt that I was on the road to recovery. I just needed help and when I walked back to the house with the sweat rolling down my face and my chest wheezing with exhaustion, I rang the man who was going to be my new trainer, Ben Davison.

  I knew Ben was the man for me after we had spent a short time together in Marbella in the summer of 2017. I had given him a challenge when we had been sitting and chatting in a hotel. I wanted to see if he truly possessed the ‘minerals’ to be the coach of the heavyweight champion of the world. He was twenty-four years old and a good-looking guy, so I thought I would see if he had the guts to go up to two girls and try to get their numbers. Without hesitation, off he went and secured both numbers. With that confidence, I thought he was the man for me! I wasn’t quite ready then to start my journey back to the top, but when the moment arrived I knew I would have Ben in my corner.

  . . .

  The very first time I met Ben was in March 2016 at a boxing show in Glasgow. My friend Billy Joe Saunders was defending his WBO middleweight title and I went along to support him. Ben was coaching him at that time and we spoke briefly but it was a year later when we had our first good chat after I decided to join Billy Joe at his training camp in Marbella. It was April 2017 and it gives you an insight into my twisted, tortured state of mind that on the one hand I didn’t want anything to do with boxing, but on the other I loved the sport, the art, the challenge of boxing enough to want to join a training camp.

  Ben could see that somewhere deep inside me my passion for the sport was still alive. The fire may have been reduced to a flicker but it was still burning and for a brief moment it burst into flames. Ben had taped up my hands and I suddenly felt a sense of excitement. I was putting on a pair of boxing gloves again and as I looked across at Ben, who was putting on the pads to give me a workout, we both burst out laughing – we both knew I was acting like an over-excited kid with a shiny new toy. It was a brief moment of light and joy in the middle of two years of darkness, but snapping out my old combinations and moving around the ring again was so enjoyable.

  This was what it felt like when I first started out as an amateur. It felt somehow pure, without any of the pressure or the other stuff that happens around professional boxing, the kind of stuff that had driven me into such a deep hole. This workout helped me believe that I could come back, and I told people at the time, even some reporters, that I wanted to fight again. But it didn’t take long after I returned home for the positivity I had enjoyed with Ben to be bitten once more by the black dog of depression. I was soon back on the familiar roller-coaster of self-destruction, feeling that nothing mattered. Once again I didn’t want to be near boxing and I even changed my telephone number because I wanted to be by myself. The thoughts of just wanting to die were still there. But then came that moment at Halloween, that skeleton costume, that gave me the deep desire to fight again and I sent a text to Ben saying, let’s get started.

  Ben rang me back and asked me, ‘What do you mean, am I ready to train you?’ and I explained to him that I really did want it. At the time, Ben had a few other fighters he was working with and he isn’t the kind of guy to just drop someone because he thought there would be a bigger opportunity around the corner. We talked about what it would take to climb the mountain that I was looking at, and he explained that for me to make it back to the very top he had to be with me full-time.

  After a lot of thought, and after Ben had discussed the situation with his other boxers, I was delighted when he agreed to take me on. Ben even agreed to move in with me and my family in Morecambe. The only problem was that I hadn’t told Paris! So when Ben arrived at ten o’clock and was surprised when she answered the door looking puzzled, I shouted across, ‘Oh yeah, I forgot to say Ben is going to be staying with us for a few months!’ To her credit, Paris quickly made Ben feel very welcome. Ben and I trained every day, twice a day, and a few months turned into eighteen months as we plotted my way back to the ring.

  Losing an enormous amount of weight and continuing to work on my mental state were going to run in parallel as I looked to return to boxing, but there was also another issue to overcome. From February 2015 to December 2017 a cloud of suspicion hung over me relating to an accusation that a high level of nandrolone had been found in my system and that of my cousin, Hughie Fury. I had to resolve this before I could truly believe I could fight again.

  I had been tested regularly by the drugs people at UKAD (UK Anti-Doping), probably more than most boxers, and when the case with them finally came to a conclusion they were able to list a series of tests that came back negative. The issue of the raised level of nandrolone came in a test in February 2016, but I wasn’t made aware of possible charges against me until long after that. The body naturally produces nandrolone but mine had a high level for some reason. I can categorically state, however, that I have never taken any performance-enhancing drugs and never will. The big question that did remain after the case was resolved was why it had taken UKAD so long to sort it out. Why did they leave me in limbo, allowing people to call me a drugs cheat, allowing me to be humiliated like that?

  I couldn’t help feeling at the time that other forces were at work in the background. Boxing is a shady business and when I reflect on that period, I can’t help but feel that if some people felt that they couldn’t beat me in the ring, they had to get me out of boxing another way. But God was on my side and when God is on your side, who should you be afraid of? Nobody!

  When the case did come to a conclusion, the statement by UKAD made it clear that they could not establish why I had that raised level of nandrolone. The case cost over £1 million in lawyers’ fees and it was discussed in the press that if I had won the case – which I know I would have – then it could have left UKAD bankrupt. But that could easily have meant another three or four years battling in court. Anyway, the case was finally cleared up and I could seriously start thinking about fighting again.

  But there was also the issue of being cleared to box by the British Boxing Board of Control. They needed to know if I was mentally fit to box again as they had suspended my licence due to a combination of the reasons why I had to withdraw from the rematch with Klitschko and my confession to having taken cocaine.

  Messing around with cocaine is something that I deeply regret and it’s tragic to see how widespread a problem drug use is now throughout society, and just how many lives it has wrecked. I took cocaine when I wanted to kill the pain of my depression. But part of me wanted to die and thought the drugs would help me do that. The thing about drugs is the evil lie that is told that they make you feel better – they don’t. The buzz lasts for a short time and then things feel worse, a lot worse. Boy, did it just keep sending me deeper and deeper into turmoil. That period really was the worst time of my life. I was such a mess and taking the cocaine was the shameful low point. I would rather have been hit in the face with a hammer than have taken that white powder in the first place, because being a role model to my kids and to others is very important to me. But anybody can fall and I did. I thank God that when I asked Him for help that night on Halloween, H
e found me a way back.

  By the end of 2017, my journey back to the ring had begun, and my path to a healthier mental and physical life was stretching out ahead of me. However, although my work with Ben was going well, I was still without a boxing licence and all I could hear and read were critics saying that I’d never make it back. The doubters were out in force and I suppose because I had been off the scene for a long time, and because of the weight I had gained, they had some logical reasons to believe that I could only dream about being a top-class fighter again. But then the so-called experts didn’t believe that I would beat Wladimir Klitschko either, nor did they believe I would win my case with UKAD. I had faith in God that if He wanted me to be back in the ring He would give me the strength to do it.

  Very importantly for me, Paris could also see a real change in me. She knew that I was now serious about fighting again because I was a changed man at home. God had put me through some severe tests, to the point of me ending up in a padded cell. I even had a psychiatrist who wrote in a report that if my religious beliefs broke down, I would attempt suicide. He clearly didn’t understand just how strongly I hold my beliefs – they’re not something to be tossed away whenever I like.

  I was emerging from my hole of depression and I saw a doctor and another psychiatrist who said that I was stable and that they were happy that I was fit to box. Coupled with the fact that I had started to train and was beginning the process of losing weight, this was all accepted by the British Boxing Board of Control and they gave me a licence to box again.

  . . .

  During this period I felt that I also had to find a new promoter to guide my path back to the summit of world boxing. I wanted a completely fresh start for what was going to be chapter two of my career. Once the top promoters knew that I was serious about returning to the ring, I was fortunate that offers came in from the UK, America and Germany. All the top people and TV stations wanted a piece of the action and it took me some time to work out what was the best deal for me, particularly as I was still easing myself back into the sport.

  Promoter Eddie Hearn is one of the most powerful men in boxing today, with an ego that almost suggests he feels he’s the heavyweight champion of the world. There’s no doubt that he has a big stable of boxers; he has put on some huge events and done a very good job for the likes of Anthony Joshua. He made me a decent offer but when I weighed things up I felt that if I’m going anywhere then I need to be given the attention I’m due and also someone who would make me their priority and deliver the fights I wanted. I felt that Hearn and Sky had their biggest star in Joshua; there was no way I was going to play second fiddle to anyone and I think that’s how it would have been. Sky had their golden boy and there could only be one; there wasn’t room for two. Hearn did his best to get me to sign. He put together a plan for big fights with former world heavyweight title challenger Dillian Whyte and former world cruiserweight champion Tony Bellew, before a showdown with Joshua. But after such a long lay-off I needed time to come back and plot my way forward, and the bottom line was that Joshua was his man. I needed someone who had my interests at heart and was prepared to carefully manage my comeback.

  Towards the end of 2017 there were many offers coming my way. Promoters knew how big a story my comeback would be after nearly three years out of the ring, and as the lineal heavyweight champion of the world, having never lost my titles in the ring, I was going to be a highly prized asset for any promotional set-up. HBO expressed a keen interest in signing me up to a deal but that would have meant relocating to the States. There was a lot of money on the table but it wasn’t just about money; I didn’t want to uproot my family, particularly as I was still working on my mental health and keeping things together. I had to do what was best for my family and for me, which was to stay in the UK.

  And anyway, at the back of my mind I knew the person I would probably go with was Frank Warren, because of what he had done for me in the past when it seemed my career had hit a roadblock after the two cancelled fights with David Haye. Frank had always made me feel welcome at his shows and after speaking to him about BT Sport, who had just come into boxing and were looking to be a major player alongside their rival Sky, I was encouraged by what he said. We talked for quite a bit and overall I felt it was the deal that made the most sense. I was going to get the attention I needed, I would be the main man and I knew that Frank could get me the right fights to move me back into title contention. It was in everyone’s interests that I would make a full recovery and be moved along at the right speed in my comeback. It was crucially important that I had someone who would lay out a plan and believe in me again. Frank had done that before when I did the deal with him and BoxNation when he ultimately got me moved into the mandatory position for a shot at Wladimir Klitschko in 2015.

  The new deal with Frank and BT Sport didn’t get signed and sealed until around February 2018. At this time I felt better mentally but I was still battling to escape the claws of depression and I was still being perceived as a controversial figure. So when Frank first approached BT Sport about having me at the forefront of their boxing coverage they were very hesitant at first. But he explained to them the journey that I was on and how I was changing as a person, dealing with my illness the best I could. And that’s the point about mental health issues: you have to confront them by recognising them as an illness, a disease. Bipolar disorder is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, and I would have to fight hard to keep myself on the path to redemption. This was not going to be a simple flick of the switch and everything would be rosy for the rest of my career. The BT executives took Frank at his word and another piece of my comeback jigsaw was in place. With every positive step forward I could feel myself becoming stronger and stronger.

  One thing that was clear to me was that my passion for training and for fighting was back, and that my life was now moving in a positive direction. The fire was back in my belly, and I felt that I had a purpose again. I was loving boxing, and most importantly I realised that for me to deal with my illness I needed to train. I used to think that it was boxing that I needed to get me through life, but I now understood that it was actually training, and the routine and structure of training every day, that was keeping me balanced. This is still true of me today, and no matter where I go now, I take my kit bag with me so that every day I at least go for a run. Whereas before I would balloon out of shape between fights and depression would swallow me up, now I know that when I train every day it keeps the demons away.

  During this time working with Ben and Frank, and spending quality time with Paris and my children and family, I was enabling myself to become the person that I always wanted to be. I had never lost one ounce of confidence that I would beat any heavyweight in the world and now I was putting everything else in place to climb to the mountain top once more. It was great to feel that there was real hope in my life again. I knew the natural talent that I still possessed and when I take a moment and reflect now, it would have been such a tragedy to have allowed that ability that God had blessed me with to just turn to dust. But even more importantly, it would have been horrific to leave my children without a father.

  I was feeling more and more motivated as the comeback started to take shape, day by day and week by week. When my family started to see that I wasn’t crying wolf, that I really meant it when I said that I was back on track and making progress, they, too, grew in confidence and it just raised the whole sense of positivity around me. For the first time in three years, there was a release of pressure and anxiety for everyone around me, especially those who had feared the worst for me.

  All the signs were starting to look good for my return to the ring. By the time I did the deal with Frank I had already lost 4 stone and Frank was keeping a check on me and how I was progressing. I had also brought on board a solicitor, Robert Davis, who has been a great help in my comeback as someone who has been able to keep all of my affairs in order. I was hungry again to prove I was the main
man in the heavyweight division.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Fat Chance

  My brother Shane looked me straight in the eye in the summer of 2017 and told me, ‘You’re finished.’ All sporting logic pointed to the fact that he was right. And he wasn’t the only one thinking that I had fallen so far and driven myself into such a hole that there could be no return to competing at the highest level. The boxing community is a small environment where rumours and comments spread like wildfire and I was well aware that when I signalled my intention to return to the ring there were many who did not believe it was possible. To be honest, most members of my family didn’t think that I could do it because I had mentally and physically deteriorated so much. My new coach Ben Davison admitted to me later that one day in the early period of my comeback he looked across at me lying on the sofa at my home in Morecambe, looking like a beached whale, and he thought to himself, ‘This is going to be some job to shift 10 stone and get him fighting again.’

  The first day of training started with a six-egg omelette each – we were in this together – and Ben was stuffed! I did some light cardio work and went for a run. The first few months were all about burning calories, but more than that it was about getting myself mentally right to handle the fight game again. Ben could see that this mission was going to be 10 per cent physical and 90 per cent mental. Later he would tell me that his main goal was just to see me happy again, the fighting was secondary; which just emphasises the kind of guy he is and the state he found me in.

  Ben and I developed a very good bond. We worked well together right from the start but it wasn’t easy for me. There were many ups and downs mentally and at times I wanted to pack it in. But Ben’s style of training was different to what I had experienced before in training camps and that really did help me. I felt it was more fun, more enjoyable, while at the same time I was getting the work done.